Night Night

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Today, while Chloe was sitting in my lap and I was briefly checking my email, Chloe put her head down on my arm. I heard her saying something over and over, and when I gave her my full attention I realized she was repeating “night night.” Fascinated, I cautiously asked her if she wanted to go night night. After all, I didn’t want her to worry I’d lay her in bed, just because she happened to say the words. Well, she didn’t say no, even though I asked her a couple times and walked her into her room. There I laid her down and covered her gently with a blanket, all the while expecting her to protest. But she didn’t. She took at nap.

Chloe’s napping has been haywire lately. I think she’s transitioning from two naps to one. She hasn’t taken two naps for days now, and I have to gauge carefully when is a good time to put her down. I usually guess correctly, and she goes right down, but sometimes, its anyone’s guess.

I already miss the two nap schedule. I have a hard time getting anything done, and working is almost impossible. It has gotten to the point that she cries if I sit down at my computer. She is also more energetic than ever, and very LOUD. She’ll wander around the house yelling Mama! Mama! or More! More! over and over again, or just generally crying at my legs until I get up.

It is really the days when I have work to do that are the hardest. Regular days are fine, where I can give my full attention to just us. David has suggested I give up working from home, but I don’t want to. But I also don’t want him to come home to a messy house, frustrated wife and grumpy child either. I know that something’s gotta give. I just hope to put off whatever it is a little longer. I’m scared that if I stop taking work and lose my clients it will be impossible to get that momentum back. Plus, it is something I enjoy (when I can concentrate) and it keeps my skills updated. Who knows what things will be like if I stop now and try to start again later? The industry and software is ever changing. I could get left behind. But I also want to be a good mom. And a good wife, too.

Why can’t I just have it all?

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5 thoughts on “Night Night

  1. I could have written this exact same post with my eyes closed! 😉

    this past tuesday I churned out 6 ads and sent a handful of emails – all while my youngest daughter was baby-sat by Strawbery Shortcake DVDs. sigh.

    my husband also tells me that I won’t have to work (he graduate’s med school in May) but then what? why did I bother with my degree? as it is, I feel so in the dark when it comes to certain new and hip design/marketing ideas! double-sigh. 🙂

  2. What a cutie! When we transitioned to one nap I had to take mine with them or I would never get the reprieve I needed to regroup. Now the naps are few and far between. But I revel in them when they do happen!

  3. You can have it all, just not at the same time 😉

    What a privilege to be able to stay home to raise Chloe and still do work that you love.

    That is what I’d like to do someday when we start a family. I need to find a way to work from home. My job isn’t exactly that type. I really want to start a business but it’s easier said than done.

  4. Once Chloe has transitioned to one nap you will find the time you need to work. There is a bit of adjustment, but our one nap is (most days) 2-3 hours which means that I can get a lot of work done in that time. Here’s hoping you figure it out quickly.

  5. This age is difficult they start demanding more and more of your time and need that interaction, challenge and activity! The one long nap will leave you with more time but it is still hard. When Larry gets home I want to spend time with him not working all night! Perhaps this is why I have been slacking on fully staring my business. I really want to be independent and have that for myself but cannot find where to give either… good luck! You are an amazing designer and mother!!! Hugs!

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